Approach to Parenting in Islam

The Islamic approach to parenting

What is parenting?
In a nutshell, parenting is the process of promoting and supporting a child's physical, emotional, social and intellectual development from infancy to adulthood.

As followers of a religious tradition revealed by Allah, Islam, we appreciate the fact that all these areas of promotion and support must take place within the legal framework of the teachings of the Qur'an and the guidance (sunnah) of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and his companions and other worthy scholars and persons who followed them. It is not enough to just “make children” to be considered a parent whether it is a mother or father. Every parent should seize the opportunity and favor of Allah and ensure that all aspects of the child's life are taken care of both in terms of time and the spiritual arena that needs to be nurtured and maintained. Of course, to the best of the parents' ability.

“Requirements” of parenthood
There are three key areas that parents/carers need to ensure are taken care of as they take on this great responsibility of working with their children to make them the best human beings possible. These are actually basic life requirements and it is a necessity for all people to have and experience them.

1. Physical safety and development:
The safety of a child's body and life.
It goes without saying that all people need safety and security, and for this we see countries spending millions of money to ensure that the safety and well-being of its citizens is maintained.

2. Intellectual safety and development:
The conditions in which a child's mind can develop.
It is not enough to be 'physically secure', but one must also have intellectual security. They must live with the knowledge that they will be given the tools to grow and mature mentally and that they will be protected from intellectual harm and harm.

3. Emotional safety and development:
To help protect a child's psyche.
At the third level, children especially need to gain emotional security so that they can plant their roots and grow into young men and women while gaining emotional security, and this aspect is usually formed while they are at home, under the care of their immediate family , extended family and friends with whom one comes into contact on a daily basis.

For our purposes, we'll reflect on three such teachings and try to better understand how we can apply them in our daily lives with our children.

Lesson 1
Play with your children – AS A CHILD!
An important part of play for young children is playing with their parents, and there should be some time for that every day. A few years ago, a toy company asked a large number of five-year-olds what they wanted for Christmas, and their survey showed that many children wanted more time with their parents!

It is NOT about how many games or toys you give your kids, it is NOT about having the latest video games and an 80” LCD TV to play on; it's not about the number of satellite dishes and thousands of "on demand" channels you give your kids, nor is it about anything else you think they want and if the survey above is correct, then kids just wanted MORE TIME with their parents.

Often parents are too busy with work commitments, business trips, personal appointments and trying to save the world and don't have enough time for their children so they let them babysit with electronics. This has made electronics a very affordable way to interact with our children, but cutting ourselves off or distancing ourselves from our children and their daily lives will certainly cause problems in the future. The parent or parents who have no time for their children 'today' will find that tomorrow, when their children are in their teens, they have no time for their parents.

Lesson 2
Keep your promises!
Children live in their emotions and when they hear something that has been promised to them, they become very excited. They can imagine the promise and keep it in mind in a way that is far more powerful than we can imagine. For this reason, they will never forget what you promise them! So don't even consider making a promise that you may not be able to keep.

How many times as parents have we loaded up the car to go out of town and somewhere along our journey the kids start to get bored or restless after being in their car seat for so long. They start to get busy and to calm them down or 'keep quiet', the father promises the children ice cream, chips or some toys as long as they 'be quiet'. But once the children start reading or playing again and the opportunity arises for the father or mother to keep their promise, they are lax about it and do not keep their agreement! In many cases, the only reason the parents or guardians make such a false promise is to keep the children quiet and the parents have no desire or intention to actually fulfill their side of the bargain.

This is something that needs to stop when the children look to their parents as their only source of provision. They do not really “fully” understand Allah and that He is the Provider or that it is through Him that we receive blessings. They see parents as their only means of survival and if we break this bond with them and are unfair to them, who knows what such an act will mean for them and their religious development.

Moreover, from the Quranic perspective, keeping one's promise is an obligation that Allah often refers to in the Quran that a believer is one who "keeps his promise" and that on the day of resurrection he will be questioned about promises he made but did not keep . So not only will this affect a parent's own spiritual level, but it will also affect the children's perception of the parents and ultimately our beautiful religion, Islam.

Lesson 3
Teach your children the essence of faith!
As you learn about your faith and how to worship it properly as narrated by the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, especially its rituals and traditions, discuss with your partner what is of particular importance to you is. Remember that your younger children will not understand many theological concepts of faith, but they will develop their faith through words and actions and conversations with you and your spouse.

It is vital that we teach our children correct Islamic teachings as soon as possible, even before they come into the world when the mother is pregnant; however, our children's 'first' Islamic lesson should be when the child comes into the world, the proud parent recites the Adhan into the child's right ear. Unfortunately, from this day on, the teachings of the faith are left to the “community leaders”, the Imams or others, because the parents are too busy or do not have the required knowledge to teach even the basic basics to their children – and this is a matter that must stop immediately.

Granting that Muslim parents may not be religious authorities of the faith, they should have enough basic knowledge of Islam to teach their children and get them on the right learning path and delve deeper into Islamic knowledge. Curiosity must be continuously fed with Islamic explanations and approaches.

For many, this will not be done through Islamic knowledge from books, lessons or lectures. But simply by “living and experiencing Islam” every day. Parents can do a lot to live and experience the religion and thus work on the child's Islamic identity. For example, ensuring that the children are informed of prayer times through an Adhan alarm clock or computer or application software or the father who performs the Adhan; ensure that the children learn and perform wudu or at least go through the steps and then are encouraged to perform prayer regularly and preferably at home in community, help the children to recite the Qur'an and learn various supplications, the children to take on Umrah, etc. These examples will certainly go a long way in further introducing the child to the one true religion, Islam. these are all simple ways in which the Muslim family can grow together in Islam and remember that “the family that prays together stays together.”

We conclude with a stern warning that all fathers and mothers should think very carefully about their roles as parents and guardians of children.

As people and Muslims with common sense, we know that our society is extremely complex and that governments day in and day out make and pass laws and change parts of the system in such a way that it is sometimes impossible to keep up. Then know that the government knows very well that the masses (emphasis on parents) do not have enough time to review these constant changes for the education or guidance of the family. Because of this, the intellect of the masses has been preyed upon by all the bureaucracy, but those things that we can do to help our children in this world and give them an edge for success in the hereafter are things that we must take into account to learn them.

There are many life skills and healthy thinking that are not taught in the public school system; There are so many more things that we must pass on to our children, if you as a parent do not pass this on, the television and music industry will give them the wrong life skills.
Most likely, they will first go to their friends or non-Islamic institutions, some of which may not have the right Islamic moral system and may teach them things, but not necessarily something that we like to do as Muslims. This in turn can ultimately result in the spiritual destruction of the soul. Therefore, we must ensure that we do our best to teach our children about the world we live in from an Islamic lens and how to maneuver through the system and its deliberately designed pitfalls. At the appropriate times, we should teach our children the basics of economic policy, banking specifications and insurance, so that we can prepare them to understand things they will need when they are on their own; we need to talk to them about the tax laws, etc… and in summary, all the things we have used in our lives and still need on a daily basis so they never get stuck in the swamp or try to swim through the legal jargon of life .
Granted that things change from our current generation to the next generation and what is true today may not be the same for our children tomorrow. But we can do our best and our obligation as Muslim parents and caregivers to give our children a backpack with Islamic ethics, rules, conditions, norms and values, ways of thinking and lifestyle. This must then be their foundation for further intellectual and spiritual growth in this temporary trying life. Remember, dear Muslim parent and caregiver, it is Allah Most High who has chosen and favored you to raise the next generation according to the religion He has chosen, namely Islam. Allah says in the Quran in (surah al-Maa'idah: ayat 3)(interpretation of the meaning):

“Today I have perfected your religion for you and completed My favor upon you and have chosen Islam as your religion”

In this verse, which was revealed during the farewell pilgrimage of the Prophet (peace be upon him), Allah, the Exalted, declares that He has completed this faith of ours and thereby also put an end to the series of successive Prophets. He also indicates that He is satisfied and satisfied with Islam as a faith for His servants.

We ask Allah the Most High to help and guide us all in this temporary testing journey of life. Ameen!